Last Friday night, as I was giving myself another talk, I had an epiphany. I have been trying to find something to motivate myself to get back on track with my diet. For the past 2 years, I have lost all control. I have struggled with my weight for SOOOO long…pretty much all my life.
I am addicted to food. I turn to food when I’m depressed. I eat without even realizing it when I’m stressed. I LOVE to eat when I’m happy. I just LOVE to cook, and I just LOVE to eat.
I have gone up and down with my weight so many times since I was in high school. I even achieved “lifetime” status at Weight Watchers when I was a senior in high school. So anytime I finally get myself back in the right “mode” to lose weight, I go back to Weight Watchers. I know it works. I’ve done it many times. You’d think I would finally get the hang of it and quit going right back to where I started (plus a few more pounds).
But I don’t. I just keep falling off the wagon again and again and again. I was doing so well on my diet a little over 2 years ago, and then God chose another path for our family to travel. We moved to Malakoff and the stress of changing our entire lives triggered me to start eating again. I have told many people that “moving has been hazardous to my health” because I’ve gained about 25 pounds since we moved here.
It’s depressing to even admit it.
I’ve tried to convince myself to get back on track and have attended a few Weight Watchers meetings at the Cain Center. But it’s just not the same for some reason. I give myself sermons all the time about how I need to stop this nonsense & get serious again. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. I know it’s a HUGE mind game, and I just can’t seem to get my mind in the game.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’m about to turn 40, so I thought I could convince myself that I need to get back in shape since I’m getting older. And that’s when I had my epiphany…I thought I would count how many days until my birthday and maybe I could be “good” for that many days.
And it was exactly 40 days! I know that 40 days is significant in the Bible in several places…the flood, Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, etc. We did a 40 day fast a few months ago leading up to our revival at church. So I told myself I could surely behave on my diet and start exercising for the next 40 days. And then maybe it would turn into a good habit and I’d be on my way.
Well, I was good for a few days. We’ve even walked several days this week. But then I started getting stressed again. I thought I could do this alone, but I really can’t. I need some accountability and some encouragement and a lot of prayer. I get really insecure about sharing my needs with others, so this is really putting myself out there.
Now, I’m only “30 days ‘til 40” and have a LONG way to go. I would love for you pray for me and leave me a comment. And if you see me, please ask me how I’m doing. Maybe by just posting this, I will hold myself accountable more.
Thanks for listening.